Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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