great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
