it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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