I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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