she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
