So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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