Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
