He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
