he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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