i need an iv and a liver transplant
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize