I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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