He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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