i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My feet surprised me
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
