it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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