New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Can I color on your dick again?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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