I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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