New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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