I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
