I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
