Betty ford says i'm here all night
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
