Small penises have feelings too.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
