You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
