My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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