Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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