im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
