when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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