brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
