your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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