she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
