I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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