do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
