piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
