I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
