are you still at the devil's house?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
