there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize