apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
