You just made me feel so damn special
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
