dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
