Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
