All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
