Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
