I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
