If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
