he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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