She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
