Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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