i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
