Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
