saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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