i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
