when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
