You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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