Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
how drunk are you?
Several
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
