I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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