i may or may not be watching the land before time
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize