maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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