no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
