I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize