absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
did you just send me my own nude
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
