dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize