stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
