Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
