So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
