I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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