Plan B is the new Plan A
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize