Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
