he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
