Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
