I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize