The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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