last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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