she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
