I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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