I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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