thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
