Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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